New risk. 2.27.13. 12:40 am. charging ahead with reckless abandon.
i’m beyond fucking upset that my tumblr is compromised but im too far away from home to care.
i am sick of being on the outside. bay area, you may have served your purpose.im done. i am more than tired of dealing with most of you and the unnecessary drama you have added to my life.
I know you can see this. i will not clarify or explain any of my previous posts.i care about you, but am not ready to go any further with you or anyone. i have not truly been alone in some time and i am taking part of it out on you and myself. I do want someone who doesnt exist, but not until some time from now. stop fucking comparing yourself to him. you are not perfect. neither is he. i get caught up thinking about the good times & glossing over the bad. my point is…i have felt like shit with the both of you and i dont want that. i want you to be happy but i know with my moods, you will never completely feel that way because you are doing what i did…only remembering the good. i want you in my life because i trust you despite all the times you have made me mad, scared and frustrated. If thats not going to work, then im sorry.
I want indian food, pizza, ice cream, doughnuts….just my requirements for today.
Mostly a fucking chili cheese dog.
All i need is to get away. i really do get better at forgetting the life i wanted…i may seem like i’m talking shit, but it’s only a constant reminder of the things that pushed me away..so that i dont remember the things that pulled me to you in the first place. My intention is to have a more positive mindset, but you are a reminder that i had to be negative about someone so beautiful that i honestly love you just as much as i loathe you. it amazes me how easily you have snapped back into your life, i obviously wasnt meant to be there long, but i clearly need someone like you in mine.
It does get just that much easier knowing that i want someone LIKE you…
I just wish you werent still around for me to think that its you i want.
So sick of running in circles.not trying to run away, not trying to get stuck here either.
I’m scared that I’ve completely forgotten how to love…all i can do is play games.
I’m scared that i have to wake up tomorrow.
Trying to get over being in love with you…but fucking damnit if the idea of you isn’t perfection :/
I choose to remember some of the best moments..while also choosing to forget.
I might need a hiatus…
2013 is not going to be about love. I am putting you behind me as best as I can, because I will never ever chase a man from my past..
I keep doing this…I really need to move. Its been 4 years…where can I go next?